Humorist Interested In Dark Comedy Pillows

"He did it my way."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I thought you wanted me to change."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

"Needs to get a life"

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

'It was great. I hated it.'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Look, I'm dying. Gotta go."

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

Turkey Autopsy

"I reap and I reap and it's like he doesn't even notice."

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

'I hate Mondays.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

Picks your own strawberries....Strangle your own turkeys

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

HELLth Food Sprouts