Humorist In A Suit Gifts

'Yes, my opinion today is the opposite of what I said yesterday. In my position, this is called 'flexibility', in your position, it would be called 'unreability''.

'He's in a meeting. Would you like to speak to his assistant?'

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

I will study my speling words...

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Dog Walking Services

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'