Humorist Gifts

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

Quiz for dogs.

Creation of Red Wine

"Son, your mother is a remarkable woman."

"This is the wine talking."

"For God's sake, think! Why is he being so nice to you?"

The mind-body problem

"It's just a theory, but perhaps it's their opposable thumbs that makes them crazy."

Working from home.

'Oh, this is just great... Now how am I going to get a Wi-Fi connection?'

"Can I borrow those kittens for an hour? I want to freak out the people who had me spayed."

"Ladies and gentlemen, is there a bankruptcy attorney on board?"

No soliciting - especially if it's for a good cause.

Of all the penguins, Sigmund was the only one with any sense.

"I'm tired."

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

A man filling up his coffee pot, with his brain as a coffee filter.

"What's your problem?"

"I have a feeling they are going to treat us like dirt."

Internal Medicine, Nuclear Medicine, Laughter is the Best Medicine.

Jurassic Parking Lot

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story. At the climax, there's a hip replacement."

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

"What? You've never been to Waffle House? I guess it is kind of a regional thing."

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Sock Drawer

Nicola Sturgeon's History Guide To Things We Can Blame The English For...Introduction of the Midge

ONE HORSE TOWN

Mole News: Obituaries

"This is so cool! I'm flying this thing completely on my Palm pilot!"

'Did I say 'merger'? I meant 'acquisition'.'

'I'd like to give a particularly warm welcome to those of you who are joining us from the southern hemisphere.'

'Of course you don't feel any better. Two years ago I gave you six months to live. You do the math.'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'