Humor With A Message Pillows

Can't decide what to do. Need coin to toss.

The cell phone soother for life.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

"Must you sing, 'I'm in the mood for love' everytime you want sex?"

"I bark and I bark and I bark, and yet, somehow, I'm still unhappy."

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

'I think I've found what's causing your funny buzzing sound.'

"Somewhere along the line the world got a whole lot dorkier."

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

'Another failure to communicate?'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Genetically Modified Apples

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

Mummy with a mobile.

"Mom, Dad, this is Ryan. From now he'll be managing all of my emoji and GIF responses in your ridiculously long family text message threads."

"First, let me say how much I appreciate your 6-foot social distancing."

Witch Rowing Team

The poop scooper maid.

'I don't like the way your eyes light up when that nurse comes in!'