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'Don't worry -- I'll soon knock that paranoia out of you!'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"You're completely screwed up."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Teach me not to care."

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

Can I take your disorder?

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"I knew you'd understand."

Sardine psychologist.

"No heroic measures."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."