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'Don't worry -- I'll soon knock that paranoia out of you!'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"You're completely screwed up."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Teach me not to care."

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

Can I take your disorder?

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

Sardine psychologist.