Humor Lover On A Diet Journey Pillows

'I'm putting you on the 'Don't eat so damn much' diet.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The customer is always right...'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

"Is it working?"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'I'm on a strict diet... so no pie charts.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"Will I be searched for chocolate when I board?"

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'Great. Looks like I'll be packing on more weight.'

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."