Humor In Contracts Lover Pillows

'See, you misread it - it's void where prohibited by lou!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

Safety Barriers

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"OK, let's go to contract."

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

"By opening this cookie you are agreeing to whatever terms..."

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

"Usually, I give a free estimate, but for lawyers, I charge a consultation fee."

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'

'I hope you realize, Madelaine, that you're in violaton of section G, paragraph 3a, of our prenuptial agreement.'

'OK, I'm back. Here's a notarized hard copy of my offer granting you three wishes, all ready for your lawyer to review. And I don't mind telling you, pal, it's jerks like you who are RUINING this job!'

When Science Catches Up to Sports: 'I want $400,000 a year, a bonus for each step that leads to a new product and a five year contract or trade me to another lab.'

'Hey, I don't agree with the new clauses in this new symbiosis contract...'

"It's unconditional love Thursday through Sunday ONLY. It's in the prenup!"

Tunnel of love - 'Now about this pre-nuptial agreement..'

'Your company is looking at a lengthy, expensive legal battle. By any chance, did you keep your fingers crossed when signing contracts?'