Contract Joke Lover Pillows

'Sure we can get you in a new car. The trick will be for you to try to get out of it.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

bound by restrictive covenant

"And with this, nuptial contract, independent inventory and itemised bill...I thee wed."

"OK, let's go to contract."

"I'm going to throw this contract out the window, hargraves. Bring it back to me and make sure someone's signature is on it."

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

"Usually, I give a free estimate, but for lawyers, I charge a consultation fee."

Of course my love is unconditional! We put it in the pre-nup, remember?

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

"By opening this cookie you are agreeing to whatever terms..."

"So what do you think we should be saying about zero hours contracts?"

"Just sign here - yes, in blood."

'I hope you realize, Madelaine, that you're in violaton of section G, paragraph 3a, of our prenuptial agreement.'

'Hi. I'm Tiffany and I'll be your waitress tonight -- this agreement may be terminated by either party at any time.'