Humor Haver Prints

We want to put all our money into bricks.

'That was fun!'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'I got an F today - for improper interfacing with my computer.'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

"Hallelujah!"

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'...Because its easy to draw.'

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

'The developers of this flu vaccine can't explain it, but its only side effect is that it may cause your HVAC system to go hay wire for a bit.'

A granny tortoise with a quilted shell.

'Just because I understand how to maintain the Heating and Cooling systems in the world's biggest buildings doesn't mean I understand the tax code.'

"My exercise routine appears to be working as long as I hang around fat people."

"An example of my game cheat skills is that I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this games tester interview."

'I take it you're new to painting miniatures?'

"Oh, come on—it's 8 a.m. somewhere."

"We've changed 'Happy Hour' to 'An Interlude for Reflection'."

'I hit my thumb with a hammer.' - 'Well, it wouldn't happen if you hold the hammer with both hands.'

Spot the ballcock

"Evenin' gents - what's yer poison..?"

'Noisemakers are not welcome the morning after a party.'

"Sorry, happy hour finished at 8:30."

Fears