Humor Guru Pillows

'The meaning of life? Let me Google that for you.'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'Last arrests at the bar please...!'

Road rage on board.

'We're not sure if it's a good economic indicator or a bad economic indicator, but garage sales are up 17 over this time last year.'

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

"I'm a lovebird Monica. If you wanted passion you should have married a passionbird!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

I will study my speling words...

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'