Guru Humorist Pillows

'That's right...take a deep breath, close your eyes and visualize letting go of material wealth.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

At the 2021 Religious Games

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

Guru.

German School

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.