Guru Humorist Pillows

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

At the 2021 Religious Games

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Guru.

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

The Evolution Of Man