Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Howard, I think the dog wants to go out."

Eight nights of excuses

"I told you we didn't need a tree."

"All right, have it your way - you heard a seal bark!"

"Pass that."

"You're too self-critical."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'I think my work here is done.'

"And in this corner, still undefeated, Frank's long held beliefs!"

'Run! 73 million baby boomers are about to retire!'

"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."

'While you may not be as comfortable with a female doctor, on the plus side, my hands are smaller.'

French Army Knife

Me Learning To Let Go

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"I'm like Santa, but for 'Season's Greetings.' Here, have a box of cotton swabs."

"Did you or did you not employ a leash to drag your cairn terrier, Jack, away from the corner of Park Avenue and Sixty-fifth Street in spite of his making every effort to clearly indicate to you that he wished to stay where he was?"

Dogs have name tags on their rear ends.

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

When life gives you lemons...

Just say no...

A fire hydrant pees on a dog.

IRS: You are here - arrow points to taxes, in between birth and death.

P C Plod "Hello Mr. Differently coloured, yet equally valid doll"

My Other Car Is A Sleigh

'I gotta go - we're discussing my compulsive communicatoins disorder.'

"The kid's good."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Devolution is Real

"Whoa there, I'm not much for fancy book readin'."

"She's asking if it's fresh-squeezed. Should I tell her to f**k off?"

"Toilet or tap?"

"And now a request from the audience."

'How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?'