Humility Humorist Pillows

"I am so past enlightenment."

'Brother Jerome has a problem with humility, but he can't bring himself to admit it.'

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

Ethics exam cheater.

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Bed and Breakfast

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Your ten percent tip.'

'What a bargain!'

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

"Of course I want to have kids, Claire - just not all the time."

'I'm sorry, but the soup of the day was just tripped over by the employee of the month.'

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"What did you swallow" - "My pride"

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

"I've never had a day's illness in my life. I always make it last a week."

Jesus Seals the Hick...

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

'We're really sorry!'

'Tonight's defibrillator complements of the paramedics at the bar.'

The World of People

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

"I'm just as ambivalent about her as the day we met, fifty years ago."

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

"Next time you ask the maid for extra towels, be sure to tip her."

Nightmare Hotel Tea Trolley