Humidity Humorist Pillows

'Lighten up folks - it's hot but its not the heat - it's the humidity.'

'It happens all the time, don't worry, I'll read my book while I wait for high tide...'

'Remember, it's not the heat, it's the humidity...'

"It's not the heat or humidity. It's the sulfur dioxide, hydrogen sulfide, non-methane hydrocarbons and sulfuric acid mist."

"Hey, bartender, spill another beer in front of me, will ya?"

Then get under cover before you are struck by lightning.

Beware of the Dog Hair.

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

Professor of Fuzzy Logic.

Hydration

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

Team medic spraying deodorant

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

"I need a transfer from the wind tunnel departmnet please."

'I've battened down the TV to protect us from weather reports.'

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

"Is it safe to come out yet?"

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

Life Imitates Arf....

'I swear it wasn't this cold before they invented the wind chill factor.'

"I love you, Ethan, bit I floss alone."

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

"I like making pastry... It gets your hands clean."

"Does the radar make my backside look big?"

Remember to wash your hands: "...but not compulsively."

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

"Don't drink that, it's hand santizer."

'This should shake things up -- I've just found conclusive evidence that global warming is caused by whales!'