Human Resources Rebel Gifts

"I'm getting back to being able to enjoy the little things—like firing people."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."