Hr Humor Club Pillows

'Did I lie on my resume? Absolutely not!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

Rudy, from now on I'm going to answer all employee requests through Twitter. Publicly? Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. That's right. If you have a valid request, you should have no problem with the entire world hearing it. Now, what was that again about you needing time off for a proctology appointment? Never mind. Hold on ... composing a tweet ... How do you spell "polyp" again?

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

"Why have you called the new post 'assistant deputy administrative project support?" "Because it sounded better than 'skivvy'."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

'Here's your report card... I mean, review.'

The job interview was more thorough than roger had anticipated.

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'