Hr Director Gifts

"There's a rumour that someone may be resigning today."

'This isn't the sort of experience I meant but, I must say, I'm very impressed.'

'Very impressive, but is there anything you can't do?'

"And yet that's exactly what I'd like to be doing."

Personnel. Are you familiar with "flex time"? Just the usual kind -- slow workdays and fast weekends.

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Just when I thought I had weeded out all of the deadwoodl, Weber...I spotted you!'

"As you may have discovered, we only choose this spot for our corporate retreat when faced with the difficult task of downsizing."

"I wouldn't have accumulated all this overtime if you hadn't laid off all my co-workers."

The department of people who will always tell you exactly what you want to hear.

"I consider myself a responsible worker."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"This position has become very important to the company."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'