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The Job Offer

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

-...And we don't discriminate against people of colour. -I've been on the sunbed!

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

'When you look at me do you see a woman or a senior partner?'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

"I hope it indicates a quick promotion."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'We need to recruit some young MBA people. All of us young turks have become old turkeys.'

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"But we've been interviewing like this for years...why would we want to change now?"

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'I feel a leader should be approachable.'

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

Sales Down Heads Will Roll

PERSONNEL, 'Do we have a health plan? Why -- Don't you feel well?'