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'The face that you've been able to get parole three times is impressive!'

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"We had to hire a replacement while you were gone. What? You never left?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'