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'They made a mistake when firing you, but corrected it with a stop-payment on your severance pay check.'

Long interview wait

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I wish I could fire people as well as Donald Trump.'

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"Why have you called the new post 'assistant deputy administrative project support?" "Because it sounded better than 'skivvy'."

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

"Tell us something we don't know."

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

The job interview was more thorough than roger had anticipated.

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

'Here's your report card... I mean, review.'