Housing Market Gifts

Dog Realtor

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'Does this mean I don't get my security deposit back?'

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'I can't move in with my parents. They moved in with my grandparents.

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'Good point. It's been on the market far too long. I'll change the picture. I shouldn't be smiling.'

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

Sketchy Real Estate Agent

Affordable Housing Estate Agents - 'It's affordable if you're rich...'

'Property ownership is SO nineties! Gerald and I sold our house to a private consortia and are leasing back.'

"Good news, they accepted your offer!"

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

For Sale.

Estate Agent - 'This property comes complete with grown-up children left behind by the vendors.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Excellent. I'll buy the lot.'

'Step into my time machine, and we'll travel back to when you could get a mortgage on your salary.'

"I realize you're anxious to sell your home, but I think one sign will be sufficient."

"There had been a little roof leakage, but you'll notice that it has been corrected."

Willy Wonka Claims Eminent Domain on Gingerbread House.

What people won't put up with to have a view.

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'But on the bright side, house prices are going down.'

'Well, we don't sell doll's houses. But even if we did, I don't think Barbie could afford a mortgage without Ken's salary too.'

'Not only is it a mortgage we can afford, but it will be easy to sell with that indoor pool!'

"We must be paying too much for our mortgage - the bank just named us 'Borrowers of the Month."

'Inflation allows us to live in a more expensive neighbourhood with even moving.'

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

Your dream home

'Of course, the base price doesn't include the many upgrades available.'

'We can lend you the money for a new house, but how will you repay it?'

"You've heard of the bank that likes to say 'yes', well we're the bank that likes to say ****off."