Houseplant Hoarder Gifts

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

"Hey! Plants are on sale again! Woo-hoo!"

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Money Plant.

Thanks

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

Garden seeds - giant varieties

"This one looks as though it could use a little nurturing."

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

House plants

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

The Houseplant Cemetery.

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

Being-convinced your plants always know what you're thinking phobia.

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"Oh god, here she comes again, insisting she's helping."

The Houseplants vs The Kids

House Plant Party

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

"I think we're ready for a tree."

"You spoil that plant!"

The Ugly Plant

In the houseplant cemetery.