Household Rebel Pillows

"They're little notes he keeps leaving me on how to best utilise my housekeeping time."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Lockdown casserole

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Acclaimed mother.

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

"I'm unable to process this image."

Housewife: Out of Order.

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Blog Breakdown

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"Here's your sweater back."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

Recipes.

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'