Household Heroes Pillows

'That's the last time I ever let you try to fix the microwave.'

House.

"Don't even think about letting them in until the house is dirty again."

Come dine with me!

Domestic Superheroes!!

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Kitchen Tetris

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'Caw blimey!'

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

Miracle Mom #5,293

The household cavalry

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

'Daddy, what did you do on Armed Services Day?'

"Yes, they come out white than white, but when they went in they were blue."

'... But, why do you want me to sign a "waiver of liability form"?'

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

And so Bob's folks sent him off into the world. But not before running a few last tests, just to be sure he could handle it.

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

Scales

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."