Hotel Stay Survivor T-Shirts

"Do you want the side of the bed with no outlet or the side with the impossible-to-reach outlet?"

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

'Time for your pills.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Mini Bar

Completely out of diapers and facing a seven-hour layover, Marsha happens upon a diaper scalper.

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Bed and Breakfast

Emergency Pants

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

"I didn't want anything. I just wanted to see how fast you could get here in case of an emergency!"

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Throw them back They're not what nine out of ten eye doctor's recommend for dry eyes when stranded on a desert island.'

'He needs professional HELP!'

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

"Now that we've fermented coconut milk, so we build a boat or a tiki bar?"

"I don't love you anymore. Let's just be friends."

"Mind if I take a bath first, pet."

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

'What luck!'

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

Toddler in the Bed: A Journey

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'I brought my mini bar with me.'