Hotel Receptionist Pillows

"I'm so tired I can't think straight. Give me a room that's idiot-proof."

Excess Baggage: Anyone who thinks business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

Hotel California

'This oughta slow them down.'

'I booked a room with a view.' - 'No, you didn't.' - 'Yes, I did.' - 'No, you didn't.' - 'Yes, I did!!' - 'Too late. I double clicked.'

'I believe I'm entitled to a discount.'

"Good ephening."

'Morning paper?' - 'No thanks, I like to fetch it myself.'

All Quiet on the Best Western Front

'Do you have a 'Reservation', sir'

"I see there's a 10% surcharge. Why do you charge men more?"

'No luggage, and you say your name is 'Smith', eh?'

'Bad sign. The groom was asking if we had a sports channel.'

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

'My wife isn't really a morning person.'

'You're all set, Mr. Gelt

'Sir Archibald Klutchworthy and Miss Gloria Fleshbody...tsk. There's no nudge and wink in this job anymore.'

"Either it's a toad trapped in a cement mixer, or Tom Waits is ordering room service."

'A room with double beds, please.'

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

"There's no need to keep calling to remind us, sir. You'll get your wake-up call at the time you specified. Understand? Now stop calling."

"Redwood or oak?"

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'