Hotel Receptionist Pillows

"I'm so tired I can't think straight. Give me a room that's idiot-proof."

Excess Baggage: Anyone who thinks business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

'This oughta slow them down.'

'I booked a room with a view.' - 'No, you didn't.' - 'Yes, I did.' - 'No, you didn't.' - 'Yes, I did!!' - 'Too late. I double clicked.'

'I believe I'm entitled to a discount.'

"Good ephening."

'Morning paper?' - 'No thanks, I like to fetch it myself.'

'Do you have a 'Reservation', sir'

"I see there's a 10% surcharge. Why do you charge men more?"

'No luggage, and you say your name is 'Smith', eh?'

'Bad sign. The groom was asking if we had a sports channel.'

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

'My wife isn't really a morning person.'

'You're all set, Mr. Gelt

'Sir Archibald Klutchworthy and Miss Gloria Fleshbody...tsk. There's no nudge and wink in this job anymore.'

"Either it's a toad trapped in a cement mixer, or Tom Waits is ordering room service."

'A room with double beds, please.'

"Redwood or oak?"

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'