Hostage Negotiator T-Shirts

". . .Release the Grunwalds now! Do not make us resort to force!"

'Forget his mother. He wants to talk to an agent about selling his story!'

'...He says he won't negotiate until we send in pizza and beer.'

"I thought you said it was an armed siege Hoskins!!"

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

Changing Minds

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

Meeting. 'Meh.'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

City Finance Dept: My Way/The Highway

'There. See? Your buddy is OK. Now show us our guy before we make the swap.'

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'For heaven's sake, Claudia. Give him the tuna fish sandwiches!'

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

"The vote is tied. Half of us think the proposed plan is astoundingly asinine, and the other half finds it stupid beyond belief. Let's try to find a middle ground here, people!"

A successful meeting! Only one member left in a rage shouting obcenities.

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"But it will never get better if you picket"

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"

Boss, I've got a new idea. And it will totally empower on-demand collaboration and idea-sharing. Not again. It'll synergistically maintain error-free catalysts for change, while progressively meshing stand-alone methods of reconceptualization. Look, I've already told you. You're not getting a raise, not matter how much business jargon you use. But an extra $2 an hour would dramatically generate error-free opportunities for a tax deduction. No means no.

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

"My fees are quite high, and yet you say you have little money. I think I'm seeing a conflict of interest here."

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'

'The union told me what we could do with our contract proposal.'

"Are you sending your people over here to smoke in my doorway?"

Unison plans strikes