Hospital Humbug Pillows

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

Hospital Visit

Hospital Cleaning.

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"