Hospital Hallway Navigator Gifts

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

Hospital Departments

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

"But I wasn't running in the hall."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"We must be in the wrong wing."

"You have reached your destination (for the 4th time tonight, I might I add?)"

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

It's important to get to know the unspoken rules of office life...

'Oh no, not you again,'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

Hospital bed shortages

Medical mishap.

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

'And what can I do for you..?'

'My husband was recently admitted. Can you direct me to the hypochondria department?'

Injured man sees that he is being taken to the 'No Biggie Room', as opposed to the 'Emergency Room.

Not to worry...by the most remarkable of coincidences a new polyclinic has been opened just 12 miles away...

'Frankly Mrs Briggs, I think your stress is caused by too many second opinions.'

"Mr. Simpson, a doctor type will see you now."

'I know... crazy right? What are the odds of getting stung in both hands. . .'

'Dr Krantz referred you to me? I was going to refer you to Dr Kranz.'

'You need an ectomy. Hop up here and we'll see what kind.'

Hospital Directory: You are supposed to be here.

'This the Assistant to the deputy parliamentary undersecretary for health...he'll be responsible for your accessing a positive care outcome.'

"Sorry, this is the Department of Wrong Places. You want the Bureau of Missed Appointments way-y-y-y-y-y-y down the hall."

"So, we've had a little swelling?"

"Here's the new Healthcare Plan. Let me know if you can figure it out."