Hospital Gown Critic Pillows

"Do you know your name? Do you know where you are? Do you remember the accident? Do you know you had a hole in your underpants?"

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

Elegant woman in backless dress.

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

Purple dress

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

NHS Efficiency Drive

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'We've decided it might be better to show your televised operation after the 9 o'clock watershed...'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"The food's so bad in here I had them put me back on the intravenous feedings."

'You were clinically dead for over a week. Gave us all quite a little scare.'

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Yuk! I'm too young to die! Send out for pizza!'

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS,

Prices include consultation with fashion therapist.

'There's been a number of complaints about the food.'

"They call this a semi-private room?"

Hospital Finances.

"This hospital is underachieving. So, I'm recommending an extra dollop of custard on your pudding at teatime."

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"Give it to me straight, doc, I can take it... it's meatloaf for dinner again, right?"

Same old slop, day in, day out.

"First we need to do a wallet-scan"

"It IS a 'designer' dress, it's just that the designer was a bit rubbish!"

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

'Really? You're a fashion designer for hospital gowns? What a fascinating career!'

'He said I looked beautiful in the gown I was wearing...then he asked if he could borrow it!'

That guy was such a hypochondriac.