Hospital Escapader Pillows

"Just finding a parking space in the hospital's parking structure - that was your stress test!"

"What should we do with this extra part?"

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'Do you have an appointment?'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'Which arrow points to my office?'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

Elderly lady about elderly man: 'We met in ICU. We had a rheumatic encounter.'

"We must be in the wrong wing."

'Actually, it's a quite routine operation -- would you like to make it more interesting?'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"I'll probably never be able to cast knowing glances."

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

"One minute I was CEO the next I'm the gallbladder in room 405."

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

'Tell me if this hurts.'

Medical mishap.

"You're a very lucky man, Mr. David. Your insurance covers it."

'My husband was recently admitted. Can you direct me to the hypochondria department?'

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"All the tests are negative. You can go home."

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

"I'm going to ask you a series of scary questions. When I'm done, let's see if you can guess why I'm asking them."

Oh Bugger !

'He got out of bed and shouted 'I can walk, I can walk', and then he walked out of the hospital without paying his bill.'

"Mr. Simpson, a doctor type will see you now."

'I know... crazy right? What are the odds of getting stung in both hands. . .'

'Is this hospital any good for scarlet fever?'

Hospital Directory: You are supposed to be here.

Ear, Nose & Throat Clinic

They're keeping me in for observation.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.