Hospital Comedians Gifts

'His parents never returned for him.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"WHich one is mine?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

"Gross."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'