Hospital Chaos Admirer Gifts

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

'Sometimes patients become a little attached.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

'You sounded better yesterday.'

'For god's sake Walters, wait until the patient is fully anesthetized before going through his wallet.'

Hospital Visit

"But the P.R. guy says he's going to be O.K."

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'You were clinically dead for over a week. Gave us all quite a little scare.'

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

"despite the EKG monitor I can assure you this man is dead inside."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

Casualty

"You clean him up! You're the one who gave him sleeping tablets and a laxative!"

'... and you say sorry for blowing raspberries during his closing address.'

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

"Yes, my family did visit me today... how did you guess?"

"Apropos-of-nothing last words." "...John Stamos' middle name is Phillip."

Boy tricking the nurse

Unlucky sculpture.

"Nine out of ten doctors are in the wrong room."

"Sorry it took so long. The nurses and I had a bet to see how long it would take for you to stick your head out the door and say, 'Hello?'"