Horse Racing Enthusiast Gifts

"My word! I do believe that your hat is eating mine!!"

Betting on $80 oil price.

'I suggest a short term cash investment. Lucky Lady 2.30 Newmarket.'

Jockey with blinkers.

'You want me to make the horse's nose LONGER?'

'I went riding this morning. . . he got back before I did.'

'Ted, here, specializes in short term investments.'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'I should at least get a no-claims bonus. None of my horses have ever won.'

"Put it all on Misty Lady, 3.30 at Chepstow."

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

'Kimbell, I'd like to take a look at our accounts.'

A Good Bet.

'He never wins by a head, always by a nose'.

The Epsom Derby - Wealthy man sees off a Pick-Pocket

'Frankly, medals are more trouble than they're worth. They bonk me in the head whenever I trot.'

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"If he could put a horse up his sleeve, he'd probably win at that too."

'I can't believe it: I trained so hard to become a trotter that I actually forgot how to gallop...'

'We need someone who no one notices, who can pass for a normal member of the public and is never recognised. Why don't you call Zara Phillips?'

A very fast Australian racehorse (Black Caviar) is the pick of the sandpit.

"Told you it was my lucky day, I only lost £30."

'Today's newspaper has my daddy as favourite for Sunday's race...'

Husband and wife at the races.

"They are good for you. Like your dad said, didn't Red Rum win the Grand National three times?"

Bookie near racing card, all of the runners are named after processed beef products.

'Hi Luv. . .I'm at the Grand national, you never really liked our house did you?'

'Your father and I have decided to invest your inheritance money - on the 2:30 at Haydock Park.'

The going's a little soft today, isn't it?

'Hey! That's holding.'

'This goalie used to be a jockey.'

Don't put any money on him, I caught him betting on the favourite!

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

Clancy: Replay

Horse race - glue