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"Well, that's done! Now all we need to do is build a dog!"

"There's one thing that scares me at Halloween."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"They're comfortable."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Dead Funny

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Chiller Theatre

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"She wishes to range free!"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Igor hesitated - "You give me that silly old brain, and i'll give you these magic beans!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Solar Frankenstein

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

How Amazon was invented

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."