Horology Humorist Pillows

'You remember my shockproof, rustproof, waterproof, dustproof watch? Well, I lost it.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

I will study my speling words...

Apples for sale

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Dog Walking Services

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."