Horology Enthusiast Gifts

'How soon can you fix this watch? I'm lost without the time, date, temperature and phase of the moon.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"The Ice Age must've caught him by surprise..."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"Can that be right?"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'Sorry about this, but I really need a rug for my bachelor pad.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

The Inner Dog.

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"Hug, the vacuum cleaners blocked."

Monster Horrorscopes

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"So, what is your star sign?"

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

Uranus always gets a bad rap. Tap tap tap tap tap. What do you mean, dorkboy? I mean, no matter how mature people think they are, they always, always want to chuckle when they say "Uranus." Come on, Sadie. You know you want to smirk, even if it's in secret. What if I told you Uranus is slightly bigger than Neptune? Not chuckling! Uranus is always the butt of the joke.

"You're late."

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

'It's an unauthorized biography of the Chief.'

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.