Hormone Explorer Gifts

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

Don't have a hot flush....

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'Except for his testosterone level being out of whack, Frankie is a normal 7-year-old.'

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'

"Any cravings?"

Health spa...

Hypnotic Regression

'I've discovered a new diet. I can eat as much as I like but I'm not to swallow.'

'It's all very well this 'The early bird catches the Worm' business, but I'm nocturnal...'

'Before we discuss the side effects, Mrs. Gimler, I need to know if the hormone therapy is helping your mood.'

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

'It's probably a hormonal thing.'

Spot Check

'I never let the grass grow under my feet.'

"Any side effects from the HRT?" "WHAT?"

'No, Dear, a 'hot flash' is not a comic book superhero power.'

'Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potourri.'

Only a handful of people are this small.

It was only a matter of time: Virtual Bungee-Snowboard-Para-Roller-Gliding

'In just four days it's taken three and a half inches off my waistline.'

The Post-Menopause early warning system.

'Have you noticed how hard this doctor's face is to read?'

"This can't be the road to Hell, it isn't paved!"

In Vitro Fertilization.

Lab researcher to partner: 'Eureka! Time released diet pills!'