Hook Hoarder Pillows

'He's so proud of his art collection.'

Shoe addict.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

Festive squad

'Look, if we're going to make this business work, we need to stop eating all the stock.'

"I brought my worn out shoes because I heard that confession was good for the sole!"

'It was a gift.'

"Which one of these things is the soap?"

Hooks R Us.

'Looks like they decided not to g south this winter.'

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

"Harry Potter and the chamber of obsolete electronics."

'Oh good, it looks like the few things I ordered from the catalogue have arrived.'

Amazon Prime Day ~ The Aftermath

"Just two more outfits. . .Then I'll jump."

Everyday is cyber Monday.

"I bet you couldn't eat three."

'The furniture store next, I'm going to need a larger wardrobe.'

Recycling bins for glass, paper, metal and IDEAS.

This isn't the magic top hat, either – I told you we were lost.

"Aside from the hours of DVR'ed shows you have yet to watch, what else keeps you together?"

Antiques: Priceless artifacts, now reduced to pricey.

'Yes Ma'am, I do pick up unwanted hives.'

"Aren't you supposed to get rid of the old mobile, when you buy a new one."

"Collects his paper every morning - regular as clockwork!"

"I will not buy a fridge magnet. . ."

I know, it's true - Never go hardware shopping on an empty toolbox. Saw.

Man with meat getting chased by dogs

Toilet Paper Inheritance

Discovering who steals all the pens in the office.

Cat sleeps vertically in upended "This way up" box.