Hoof Whisperer Mugs

'He's a lousy horseshoer and he's ruining your horse's feet,...

"What does 'giddyup' even mean?"

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

Licensed Therapist

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Barks in code.

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."