Honesty Humorist Gifts

"I told you he was honest."

Ethics exam cheater.

Ice Cream Surgeon

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

'At least he's honest.'

'Your ten percent tip.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

'I always ask that you be frank and let your hair down providing, of course, you ever grow any hair to let down.'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

'What a bargain!'

"It pains me to tell you this, but it ain't broke."

'I'm sorry, but the soup of the day was just tripped over by the employee of the month.'

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

Always let you conscience be your guide. I let my conscience be my guide, but it's non-binding.

'I can't decide whether to get a lawyer or tell the truth.'

"I've never had a day's illness in my life. I always make it last a week."

Introducing Honest Abe Cards

"To be honest we can't afford to be honest."

'Why honest is the best policy...'

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

Do I really offend people all the time? You're too honest. People are different from other animals. Other animals like the truth, but people are very touchy. They like their information sugar-coated. Do you see? But what about Dr. Phil? Precisely. He's almost certainly part jungle creature.