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Noise Pollution

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

"It's days like this that make me glad I became a teacher."

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

Thank You For Not Asking If I's enjoying My First Vacation in 20 Years.

"Namaste."

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'You can't imagine how happy we are to find a vet who makes house calls!'

"Well, as usual, I'm toasty. . ."

"She's in her happy place again."

"So what books didn't you get around to reading during lockdown?"

"You're home from work now Dear, you can go back on your default setting."

"It's amazing! A couple of inches of snow and the whole country grinds to a halt!"

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

'Jenkins came back from his vacation a little too decompressed.'

'I'm really worried Doc. I'm beginning to feel quite good about myself!'

'And this is Ziggy, our stress management consultant...'

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

Yoga at home

"O.K., she's sitting down to write in three....two....one...."

Psychiatry. On the highway of life, I can't maintain the minimum speed.

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."

"So, what makes you think I'm a therapist?"

We never go out anymore.