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A great paper if you have a house full of kids...

'Of course when minimalism died I got rid of everything.'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"You're welcome."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

Cat statues on entrance gate

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

Posh Easter Egg

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'So, how much to remove this ugly old tree? $1750. It's not THAT ugly.'

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."