Home Seller's Advisor Gifts

For Sale. They say the housing market is slowing down. But it's still lapping me.

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

Standard & Poor

Canine Comedians

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'We need to start dividing the housework for more peaceful marriages?' - What they'd say if they really wanted the women's vote.

Categories are the key to organizing.

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

Bank of England Base Rates.

'I sold my house and got what I paid for it. But you bought it in 1962.'

"Try to open Grampy's chair a little slower next time, puddin'."

"I think they're trying to tell us we've stayed to long."

Box sold: 'I told you the property market was improving.'

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

Estate Agents

'First the good news - you won't have to pay mortgage insurance anymore.'

"Murray, I need you to push a little harder on my home sale. I'm starting to get a little under water on my mortgage."

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

For Sale Not for sale.

"£38,000 in consultancy fees and 'sell more stuff' is the best you can manage."

Real estate salesman.

'Sorry, no, but thanks for bringing a little laughter into my life.'

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

'Good news! We've got a buyer.'

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

"I want a reverse mortgage. Take me back to when I didn't have one."

"Okay, your story checks out. You're not a Peeping Tom, you're just a creepy real estate appraiser."

"The process of phoning lenders can be a little confusing..."

It's time to change your "asking price" to "on-our-knees-begging-price."

I sold my house and my landlord's furious!