Home Planet Humorist Pillows

Moon Dog at earth.

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'She'll never look for me here.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Yard Sale

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"There goes our early night."

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

Mouse real estate!

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"5...4...3...2..."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman