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Filming Christmas

Director/Action Man toy.

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Herman Mankiewicz

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

Canadian film production

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

Police film evidence

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

Kirsten Johnson

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

Next camera crew 5 mins

Now Playing at the Europlex

"WOW...this 50.1 theatre sound system makes you feel you're actually in the movie!"

"My favourite movie is Mrs Fire, without doubt."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

A 1920's film director with hand-cranked camera and megaphone.

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

Mu-ther!! Pu-lease! I already have cleaned my room. I vant to be left alone! So when are the drama club auditions? Everyday.

Quentin Tarantino