Home Maintenance Professional Pillows

"It's just a hunch, but you may have the power set too high on your pressure washer."

Duct Cleaning

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

Installing window treatments is a bit like being on a Broadway stage. I always get a thrill when the curtain goes up!

For the last time, I know the basement is wet….

"We really need to do something about the lawn."

Tub Canyon

A woman is attacked by toilet water

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Yardless: Please help

Man using to much bug spray

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"The trees are laughing at us."

Moses unblocking the toilet.

The household cavalry

Timber preservation

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Over 50 shades of grey available.

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'