Home Maintenance Professional Pillows

"It's just a hunch, but you may have the power set too high on your pressure washer."

Duct Cleaning

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"We really need to do something about the lawn."

Tub Canyon

A woman is attacked by toilet water

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"The trees are laughing at us."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

The household cavalry

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"