Home Maintenance Novice Gifts

"..Fuses are in small drawer...what do they look like and where do they go?"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"The trees are laughing at us."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Was it a fuse?"

"The blow drier is broken."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."