Home Improvement Newbie Gifts

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

Let's get organized

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Light Bulb Moment

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

The Missing Sock Returns

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Painting the Ceiling

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

Man using to much bug spray

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Home depot."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.