Home Improvement Observer Pillows

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Jack of all trades

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I didn't spark joy."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Mulch madness"

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

We're putting on a subtraction.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"