Home Improvement Observer Pillows

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Jack of all trades

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"I didn't spark joy."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

I did it my way.

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Mulch madness"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."